Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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