I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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