Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
