Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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