i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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