You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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