My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
