all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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