Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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