In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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