Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
