i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
