I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
