Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
