"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am naked and annoyed.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
