I'm jealous of your bromance
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
