i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
