hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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