she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
