So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
