I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i dont even know how to be here
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
