i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
