It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
A+ Viking dick
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
