How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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