hell yes lets make some ravioli
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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