She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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