Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Let's get the cat blown out
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
