bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
