just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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