So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
