So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
