If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
