cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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