i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
