So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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