Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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