you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
