At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
