i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It all started with a game of naked twister.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
