I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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