It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
