Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
