o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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