My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she peed on how many people?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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