No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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