Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
