Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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