Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
