I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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