I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
