shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
