Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So much Jack, so little girl.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
