Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
