your room smells of hookers.
And success
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
