oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
