my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
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You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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