she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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