Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
