I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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