I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
