one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
