I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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