I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
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I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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