you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
