my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
