Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
